“I am Sam, I do not like green onions and ham!”  Okay, it’s “green eggs and ham”.  No, I don’t like green onions in my flowerbed.  The song is great.  Culinary uses are endless.  Green (wild) onions are terrible in lawns and flowerbeds.  Be you an organic (non-pesticide) gardener or a nuclear chemist, green onions are a formidable opponent.  Maybe they’re onions, maybe they’re garlic…they are both bad to the bone.  Here is the tale of my neglect.

    I have a flowerbed, which is a victim of serious neglect.  Onions and “wiregrass” (Bermudagrass) have come to rule over the last couple of years.  Recently I used Fluzifop to kill the Bermudagrass.  Fluzifop is also known as “Ornamec”, “Fusilade”, “Grass-B-Gon”, etc.  Don’t you just love these chemical names? Are these guys getting too close to their work, or what!

    I sprayed according to directions and that stuff wiped out my “wiregrass”.  Now I’m ready to cultivate and plant?  Wrong!  Green onions were present, but my ire was directed towards the dreaded grass.  Having extinguished one culprit, I now have another enemy who is isolated and a bit more pronounced – the onion.

    I can attack the onion with a broadleaf weed killer, but the compound will kill my broadleaf flowers and taint the soil for further planting.  My Momma told me that there “is no free lunch”.  I am faced with digging these little rascals out of the soil.  Pulling the onions will have no positive effect, as the tops will come off in my hands leaving the bulbets deeply imbedded in the soil.  Even if the roots of the onion were to emerge with the tops, I would only be pulling the percentage of onions with foliage above ground surface.  The other bulbs lie lurking and planning further havoc, beneath the surface of the soil.

    Earlier in the column I indicated just how trifling I am, but this dilemma presents me with the opportunity to carefully cultivate the soil deeply.  While I may dislodge some existing plants, it is high time I re-worked this bed anyway.  I can replant the existing material.  I have a Spirea which needs relocated and “Lamb’s Ear” is taking over the universe.  My soil structure will be greatly improved.

    I shall use a trowel to first remove as much of the onion population as possible.  Having done this I will be left with a soil akin to that of the golf course after Bill Murray finished pursuing the groundhogs in the movie “Caddyshack”.  I might as well finish the task as opportunity presents itself.  I will cultivate the soil to a depth of 6 or 8 inches, removing all unwelcome weeds including the onions.

    At this point I have an avenue to add and incorporate any soil amendments I might feel are needed.  Then I can plant anything that will suit the environment.  The satisfaction!  This is going to be great!  These onions will be gone before the next “Haley’s Comet”.  Little onions, beware of the Year 2060.  Until next week.