Where Has All The Green Grass Gone?

     …Long time passing.  Yes, folks, many of us have the lawn we have finally worked for every spring.  Thick and “slam on the brakes to see it“ green.  I too experienced this feeling, having re-established my back yard after some years of neglect.  I borrowed Dad's roto-tiller and dug down at least an inch into the soil last November early.  I know I was supposed to do this in September, but the doctor waited an extra half a day for my birth.  I know I was supposed to dig 4 to 6 inches into the ground, but the drought that started last summer made this impossible.  Cobbler's kids have the holiest shoes.  Do as I say, not as I do.  Etc.  Ellen is not responsible for such behavior, only frustrated by its results.

    I tackled my backyard kingdom of 3,200 square feet where too many trees reside.  I lightly tilled, limed, fertilized, and heavily seeded with a blend of tall fescue, sun with a good shade tolerance, and creeping red fescue, a grass for dense shade. Something had to stick.  I knew it was a bit cold for the red fescue, but I figured it would be along this spring with the rains, as we were certainly due.  I did water enough to get the grass up and growing in this cool and stress free season.  Sure enough, I had a lush backyard of turf, which caused me to think, “Damn, I could be good with a little effort”.  Didn't dare say this out loud, you understand.  I thought, “I’ll be cooking on the Weber grill in the tall stuff this summer”.  Life gets no better.

    This grand illusion held up until about Father's Day.  Then things began to get brown.  In late July we decided to have a barbecued rib festival, on the Weber of course, so I started watering around the 10th of July.  Of course I know about the old rule of “you can cure the sick, but you can't raise the dead”, but aren't we are all driven by optimism.  I got a water bill, which was about forty dollars higher than normal, and we ate ribs in the dust.  With $40 I can buy an awful lot of grass seed, especially with an employee discount.  The ribs were great though the place was mighty dusty.

    Not everyone has the hostile climate for growing grass that we have in the transitional eastern Piedmont region, but around here you have to be committed to good turf management practices to survive the summer, watering included.  While driving through Snell, Virginia today, I actually saw a ¼ acre pond today that has diminished to a mere 20 foot in diameter mud hole.  I feel kind of bad watering under such circumstances.  In fact, I think it is not recommended.

    Yes, we have a Snell in Virginia.  And we had a Smoot in West Virginia where I grew up.  And if you're from Pennsylvania, you've got some real zingers for township names.  No offense intended.  These are things that make America great.

    One can apply tons of pricey fungicides and surfactants to the turf, not to mention iron and potash supplements, along with plenty of water to turf in the summer to insure quality turf in a nasty drought.  If you are a groundskeeper for a golf course then I highly recommend these practices.  If you have imported truckloads of compost into your soil structure, you may also be exempt from the practice of neglect.

    Regarding those of us lost in the shuffle of procrastination, buy some grass seed and start over.  The cost is comparable to dinner for two at a steakhouse, drinks excluded.  Don't “stress out” as there is no use crying over dead grass.  Until next week.

Photo compliments of Corbis.com